When your husband chooses a life of Islamic Shia theological studies, there's no use in asking God to change his mind so that you and your American family can pursue an easier life. I've tried, but when God does not change your husband's mind, you accept it. You begin to frame reality in a way that turns your husband's choice into more of a calling. You reluctantly accept that it's going to be a long road with its conclusions wrapped only at the end of life. You'll resign yourself to little to no steady income and little to no worldly status, but still, InshaaAllah finding constant moments of peace and joy and love, words that are tested until their meanings hold the true weight of their costs.
There is a saying among Shias that if one of the Imams (i.e. perfect saints) "invite" you to visit him, that he is clearing the way for you to get there. This saying can become overly simplified and sentimental, a common trap in spiritual thinking. In my experience, the Imam's invitation is not usually sent with an "all expenses paid, no hassle" ticket. Words such as patience and hope can lose their volume, as this invitation or calling might withdraw huge deposits, daily, even momentarily.
Some might say "lucky you" when I tell them I'm moving to the honorable city of Qom. To those who envy, I say if you give up all your money, be indebted financially, leave family, leave friends, leave familiarity, leave security, leave ease, leave your place in community, and leave your culture and country behind--you can be lucky too.
Of course not everyone who is called to Qom suffer these losses, for them the certainty of pursuit is all consuming and brings sudden peace and happiness.
But still, I don't want to depend on donations and the kindness of strangers. I don't want to worry about my family having money. I want my own home. My own kitchen. My own space both physically and mentally.
I also want and have a husband at home to laugh with me and talk with me and help me and my kids get through this long road with its bumps and wide open stretches.
Let's see what happens, inshaaAllah.
