Settled

Several things have happened since I last updated this blog.

Trump was actually inaugurated as the President in the United States and has caused pain to millions around the world with his ugly rhetoric and executive orders. I'll only say that America needs a Mockingjay to inspire its people in seeing that The Capitol is run by The Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. 

Now...on to more simple matters.

My eldest daughter turned 12. My second eldest daughter turned 11. I had a birthday party for them and invited several friends with their children to our apartment. It was the first time in a long time that I hosted a party at my own place with new friends. In Texas, I had a party for the kids every year. It was a nice way to focus on crafting decorations and gathering friends and family together. The party went well! I had hoped to cook some classic Iranian food, but due to lack of time and ingredients, I made a few simple meals. Turns out I live a lot farther away then my guests realized. They are all living in Qom, while I am in a nearby town. Still, it was a nice time!

A couple of weeks later, my whole family were invited to a friend's house for lunch. It was interesting to visit another apartment building in Iran. It was slightly different from ours of course, but also had some similarities. Their apartment had a lovely view of Qom and mountains from their balcony! 

I wish I could go out and explore Iran more, but for now, the kids and I stay close to home. You can follow my INSTAGRAM to see the photos I don't publish here on the blog.

I can say that we are definitely settled now. The first week I arrived, some people would casually ask if I'd gotten settled yet. I don't know if there are different definitions of settled, but I know for sure I didn't feel that way for the first few months. It's been 5 months now and thankfully, we are settled nicely! We have a routine. Our furniture and household items have a place and function that work (That is, do cardboard boxes as side tables count as furniture?). My husband bought a study desk, we put up a privacy curtain, a handful of shelves, bought a huge round plastic bucket and fashioned it into a bathtub, and even got a mobile Western style commode to place over the eastern toilet (ha)!  

Our internet and devices are on a stable schedule and easily accessed, so that helps our daily living a lot! We've had no major problems with electricity, plumbing, water, or heat thankfully. At first I really hated the way the shower room (it also has an installed Western toilet and sink) was so small and how the water goes all over the floor, but again, it's something that I've gotten used to now, and doesn't bother me AS MUCH (though it's still annoying of course). 

Another issue that has been resolved is our need for English entertainment. Although I was glad to watch familiar Western shows and movies here in Farsi, nothing beats being able to enjoy a show in your own language. A friend of ours mentioned that he has an extensive collection of popular English films and shows we could use. I was very relieved to be able to watch these during our free time. Since then, we've watched Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Hunger Games--all movies that I wouldn't have even wanted to watch in the U.S. since I was content with my cooking and design shows there (which they don't really have in Farsi either). But I'm glad to now be able to see what all the fuss about such films was about. It's the little things that make life comfortable, you know. 

Speaking of The Hunger Games (haha), the kids daily meals have become established as well. In America, frozen waffles, frozen pizza, pasta with sauce, etc. were quick and easy to give to them. Now in Iran, I spend a lot of time making things from (semi) scratch: pancakes, pizza (without a stove!), pasta sauce, and even popcorn the old fashioned way. We are more easily able to purchase and cook halal meat here so I am cooking with those more often now. We've found some snacks to be as "good as in America," such as "Ramen" noodles, pickles, chocolates--but my children are still very discerning when it comes to other things such as popsicles and pasta sauce. And the cakes here are good, but they all seem to contain nuts inside which my kids don't like. It's true, America has an easier line up of tasty treats! But that's only because it was what we were used to for so long. I personally was sad at first that the chocolate here was not the same as it was in the States, but have found some here that's equally enjoyable. You can find it all here in Iran, you just have to be patient enough to look around since there's not a big box store like Walmart that has everything under one roof. Oh, there're loads of ice cream and sweet shops here though!

One of my younger brothers is set to arrive here in Iran to study soon. I am glad to be able to have another familiar person here! Since he's coming from America, we've asked him to bring a few things along for us. If you're ever traveling to Iran from America, we expats will always appreciate some of the "good stuff" that your bring for us. It saves us the time and effort in having to seek similar things out here. And of course, there is something comforting about a familiar product that comes from the land where you were raised. 

We've been to the Holy shrine of Lady Masumeh (p) a couple more times.  Also, I bought a chador to wear. I feel like a sort of superhero while wearing it, as if putting on armor--yet still feminine. In this bottom photo, I am wearing it while facing toward a mihrab (prayer niche) in the wall of the shrine's courtyard.

It's always a great privilege to be able to visit the shrine and its surrounding courtyards, and I hope to spend more time there just sitting and contemplating the meaning of life.

Until next time, thanks for reading. 

Out the Door

So, we've been in Iran for nearly 2 weeks now. The 3rd day here I needed to get out and see this neighborhood so we all went to the local grocery store which I discussed in my previous posts here and here. It was refreshing to get out and see what's beyond our comfortable home walls.

My husband had to return to his full-time school schedule the next day so the kids and I began unpacking and organizing. When Thursday rolled around, my husband had the day off (Here, Thursday is like the American Saturday and Friday is like the American Sunday). I really wanted to go to Qom.

I've mentioned the holy city of Qom in a previous post, but I haven't really done it justice in my blog. The entire time we had planned on moving to Iran, we wanted to live in Qom which is where the universities and the blessed shrine of our beloved Lady Masumeh (p) is located.

We were only able to find an apartment in Pardisan though, so although I was disappointed not to live in the city of Qom, I was grateful to at least have a place to call home in Iran. Pardisan is in Qom Province, about half an hour away from the center of Qom. It's sort of similar to living in Arlington, Texas when you really want to live in Downtown Dallas, Texas.

First we had to make sure the girls and I had our proper outer attire (and my son had long pants). Now, my girls and I have observed hijab in America for several years, but still, I was nervous to get our attire correct, especially since Qom is a very religious and proper place.

The ladies usually wear black chadors in both Pardisan and Qom over whatever it is they want to wear underneath. As long as your chador covers everything but your face and hands, it doesn't matter if you wear a tank top or your pajamas underneath because it's only your outward cover that will be seen (although I'd rather wear something more decent underneath, but the point is, the chador is the key). Now, to some Western folks, wearing a chador may seem inconvenient or the dreaded "oppressive," and yes, I felt a little anxious that our clothes would fall below standard and we might get "in trouble" somehow, but that faded once we got dressed. So sure, Islamic style clothing may be different than throwing on jeans and a tank top without any worries, but it's nothing to get hung up about, much less start violent wars to "liberate" the ladies' skin to the sun. In fact, once you get the right outer jacket and headscarf--it is very easy and convenient.

There are different types of covers (as I learned in bits and pieces of information), and I was slightly worried that me and my girls didn't have the correct kind so we went to the local store to find new ones. Now, we had been told to get a Lebanese style one (more often called an abaya) because it has a zipper in the front and sleeves (unlike some huge Iranian chadors that are basically sheets that one has to hold closed with her hands--no thanks!). We were also told that 65,000 tomans was a bit pricey.

So we were dismayed when the tailor had only one style with sleeves and no zipper priced at 85,000 tomans (about 850,000 rials which is $27 U.S.), which would add up to a big price tag for all three of us, plus we'd have to pay to get the hem taken up for my youngest daughter. I don't know if we were meant to haggle on the price, but my husband's Farsi is not yet at the bargaining stage (I don't like the feeling of haggling anyway so I doubt we'll do much of that if we can help it).

My beautiful youngest daughter trying on a chador at the shop.

So we decided to just wear the black abaya styles we'd brought from Texas because I really wanted to visit Qom that day. Anyway--flash forward to being at the shrine--I noticed not every women was dressed exactly alike. Although the main color was black, the style of clothing and covers varied a lot more than I had thought it would, so I felt at ease in being perhaps less than "traditionally" or "commonly" covered in a certain type of chador.

It definitely felt liberating to be among other Muslim women who observe hijab. Free at last!

So, more details on our trip to Qom next time...

Design on a Dime

When students are accepted into the Hawza (Shia universities), the single guys and gals will be placed in dorm rooms provided by the Hawza. There are also separate dorms for families provided, but from what I've seen, those are not always guaranteed to be quick in coming or even "ready" in terms of utilities (as seen in this video made by an adorable young married couple studying in Qom). Other Hawza students coming from abroad can also rent or buy their own home or apartment. We were on a waiting list for a family dorm, but time was running out, so my husband was able to find this apartment for a low rent.

Some may wonder how a family of 5 can afford to uproot itself and go across the world to start over, both financially and mentally. I'll get to the mental aspect in another post, but as far as financially, I'll just say it's due to donations, sponsorship, and charity. Students are usually on a tight budget with some income here and there, but of course, money and security take a huge hit with this lifestyle. 

The apartments there are usually unfurnished, with no appliances such refrigerators or stoves, so people have to purchase all these items themselves. In the Qom area there is a website similar to our Craigslist that offers used furniture and household items.

These are a few of the items that my husband has been able to buy so far. Of course, as a woman who once wanted to be an interior designer and still pins cool rooms from Apartment Therapy, it has been a test of letting go as I haven't been part of choosing items. But my husband has done a great job, especially considering the time crunch, his lack of transportation and his beginner Farsi! I'm glad that when we arrive in Iran after traveling 24 plus hours, we'll have lovely, roomy couches and beds to rest our weary selves, inshaaAllah.

Here you can see the cozy couch set that sits atop the 2 large Persian rugs that were bought (there is no carpet in most apartments there). The room's dimensions are measured and taken to the rug store to purchase large rugs such as these. The same is true for curtains.

So lovely, so huge. What is that show my husband has on the TV? Probably an Iranian drama. 

Authentic Persian rug, cool huh?

These carpets are measured to fit into the two bedrooms.

Several items were purchased from a family who was moving to the USA from Iran.

This washing machine was purchased new and is located in the kitchen. There are no dryer hook-ups and all clothes will air dry. There are drying racks (as seen in the above 2nd living room photo). This is going to take some getting used too. 

Bought a fridge. Not a perfect fit, but nice and familiar American size.

Sharp cornered TV stand. Good thing I don't have any babies with me. Although I'm clumsy so...

Good storage. 

I've never seen a microwave with a mirrored front, but now I own one. 

Can't wait to settle into our new place with our family together, and look forward to sharing it.

Freedom from Want

Freedom from Want, also known as The Thanksgiving Picture or I'll Be Home for Christmas, is the third of the Four Freedoms series of four oil paintings by American artist Norman Rockwell. 

Four years ago my husband went on a trip to visit the Shia shrines and sites in Iran. He was gone for a month while I stayed home with a 7, 6, and 3 year old. Upon his return, I discovered he had applied and was accepted to the Hawza, or seminary for Shia studies in Qom, Iran. He suggested to me that we take up the offer and move there. I said, "No way."

Fast forward to a few months later and we had come to a sort of compromise. He would quit his full time job as high school teacher, we'd rent  out our 3 bedroom house, pack up and move to Florida. What was there was one of the only Shia seminaries in the United States. It wasn't the full-on immersion of study that my husband wanted, but for me, it was an easier transition than moving all the way to Iran.

After 3 years in Florida, the seminary relocated to California. So we moved there.

It was in California where I finally caught my breath and accepted that there'd be no turning back to our typical, comfortable life in Texas with income and health insurance and friends and family. Living in California with my husband having already studied as much as that seminary could offer, seemed like a dead end with him not advancing in his study but still volunteering at the school. So, my mind slowly flipped to the idea of moving to Iran. The kids were older now, and I had slowly experienced the stages of grief that come when your 30 plus years of Norman Rockwell notions about your future slowly die, so it seemed a bit easier.

Now, it's been just a little over a month since my husband has been gone, searching for a place for us to live near Qom, Iran. I'm fortunate enough to have parents and family that are giving me and my children a safe and comfortable harbor in their Texas home until we can be reunited with my husband in Iran.

I could tell you in detail about the hardships that have occurred, the internal mental and emotional storms I've endured and am enduring--but I won't. I had tried over the years to reach out to the other wives of men who wanted or are studying in Qom. They offered some support and positivism, but what I really needed to hear from them was the nitty gritty pain that they might have felt to belong in this group of Hawza wives. I needed to know that what I was feeling was common or real or even valid. I understand now why they did not open up to me as much. Still, if there's anyone out there struggling, I'd be happy to share my details if it'd help. Or perhaps, I am unique in my situation since most women with husbands studying in Iran's Hawza are younger, not close to 40 with preteen children.

I've come to realize / learn much about my own thinking and assumptions as related to major aspects of life from marriage to women's rights, from lifestyle and God. It was not a gentle process. And it's still churning away at times, putting my emotions and mental state into a sort of danger. But I'm ready.

I'm ready to move to Iran.

Now I just have to wait.

The Road Less Traveled

When your husband chooses a life of Islamic Shia theological studies, there's no use in asking God to change his mind so that you and your American family can pursue an easier life. I've tried, but when God does not change your husband's mind, you accept it. You begin to frame reality in a way that turns your husband's choice into more of a calling. You reluctantly accept that it's going to be a long road with its conclusions wrapped only at the end of life. You'll resign yourself to little to no steady income and little to no worldly status, but still, InshaaAllah finding constant moments of peace and joy and love, words that are tested until their meanings hold the true weight of their costs.

There is a saying among Shias that if one of the Imams (i.e. perfect saints) "invite" you to visit him, that he is clearing the way for you to get there. This saying can become overly simplified and sentimental, a common trap in spiritual thinking. In my experience, the Imam's invitation is not usually sent with an "all expenses paid, no hassle" ticket. Words such as patience and hope can lose their volume, as this invitation or calling might withdraw huge deposits, daily, even momentarily.

Some might say "lucky you" when I tell them I'm moving to the honorable city of Qom. To those who envy, I say if you give up all your money, be indebted financially, leave family, leave friends, leave familiarity, leave security, leave ease, leave your place in community, and leave your culture and country behind--you can be lucky too.

Of course not everyone who is called to Qom suffer these losses, for them the certainty of pursuit is all consuming and brings sudden peace and happiness.

But still, I don't want to depend on donations and the kindness of strangers. I don't want to worry about my family having money. I want my own home. My own kitchen. My own space both physically and mentally.

I also want and have a husband at home to laugh with me and talk with me and help me and my kids get through this long road with its bumps and wide open stretches.

Let's see what happens, inshaaAllah.